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Guru's World 09/2000: A collection of six rants Fri, Sep-01-2000
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RANT FIVE (Here's another motherboard. Blow this up for me.)

Ahead of time, I would like your forgiveness for the excessive use of the word "Jackass". This individual really set me off.

So anyway, this JACKASS gets an FIC 503+ motherboard.

Can be a piece of crap, sure. But, when it works it works well.

Well, this JACKASS calls me complaining that the keyboard port does not work. It happens. Not often. Maybe 1 out of 1000 boards, but it happens.

I give him an RMA number and he sends the board back.

When I get the board back the first thing I notice is that JACKASS just slapped a label on the FIC box and shipped it that way. The box was CRUSHED, but JACKASS got lucky and there was no physical damage to the board. I then test the KBD circuit and I notice there is no continuity through the keyboard fuse. I think to just solder the circuit solid, but the other tech said that we would be much worse off with FIC if the KBD BIOS blows and they find out that we modded the board. He's right, so I just replace the board but without the box because it got ruined.

JACKASS calls BACK!

The REPLACEMENT board ALSO, at this time, has a non-functioning keyboard port. This time I have to see what's up with this. Two in a row? I ask him what kind of keyboard. He says Mitsumi. Any additional peripherals powered by the keyboard port? Hub? Joystick? No? Is the keyboard on a switch? Yes? AHA!

I tell the guy that it is likely his KVM switch is probably bad and thus blowing the KBD fuses on the motherboard.

He tells me that the KVM switch was expensive and thus couldn't be the problem. SO?!?! My wife spent $12,000 on her Ford and the freaking tranny still fell out of it after only two years! Point?? He says that the other two PCs on the switch are fine. So? Two's company. Three's a crowd? I dunno! But two boards in a row??? Come on!

I told him that despite this being the second board and even though we think that the problem is likely the switch, I would replace the board AGAIN for the guy.

I got the other board in and found, once again, the blown KBD fuse. I clued the other tech in as to what was going on. I sent out the third board, making CERTAIN that it's keyboard port works.

He gets the board and a week later calls telling me that the board locks up a lot with known good CPU and RAM. I jokingly made the comment that "at least it's not a blown keyboard port" and he said that he hadn't even gotten around to trying the board on a switch. I gave him yet another RMA.

Upon its return, the third board came to the other tech. This time, the other tech sends a board that was tested, not only for a working keyboard port, but also "burned in" to assure that it wouldn't lock up or crash. That board got shipped to the customer.

Now, the customer has received the third board and has tested it to his satisfaction. He builds up a machine with it and then THE JACKASS DECIDES TO HOOK IT UP TO THE GOD DAMN SWITCH.

Guess what.

Yep.

Blown keyboard port!

He now calls and talking to the other tech is INSISTING on another motherboard! He also said that I never implied that the switch was the problem. BULLSHIT!! I told the other tech NOT to give him another RMA and that he was being lied to.

I can't believe that the JACKASS told him that I never told him not to use the switch! Let us, for a moment, assume that I did NOT tell him not to hook the PC to the switch. YOU WOULD THINK that he could figure that out on his own!

I'm FLOORED! He wants a different motherboard! Guess what! The original one got crushed when he used it as a shipping box. Sorry. Incomplete product means exchange for same product only!

NOW he wants to talk to a manager! I should've never replaced the second board! I was being nice, now he's going to be an ASS!




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