Guru's World 01/2000: A collection of five rants Sat, Jan-01-2000
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Introduction:(3934 Reads)
Here is a collection of five rants from the tech bench of jonnyGURU. This is the original writing that earned jonny a spot on the Systemlogic editorial staff.

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My job is always interesting, and so are the wonderful people I meet. Most of the wonderful conversations I have with these wonderful people start with "I've been an MCSE for four years" or "I'm A+ certified" or "I've been working on computers for 30 years". I tingle all over with a sense of joy that this conversation COULD ONLY GET BETTER!

Please realize that I am being INCREDIBLY sarcastic.

First off, if this person was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO experienced at computers, why is he calling the lowly tech support representative at a retail store? To make himself feel better or smarter because he just had his pizza delivery boy tell him that he too had been an MCSE for four years? Whatever. I bite.

"Wow. I'm impressed. I take it then that you just need an RMA number for a product that you have bought from our company that you have already determined as defective?"

"No! I need to know what it takes to get this thing to boot! I've got three here and none of them boot." he says.

"Hmm... Do they not boot or not post at all? Because boot and post are two different things in my book..." He immediately cuts me off: "I told you I've been doing this for thirty years! The boards don't do anything! Nothing comes up on screen or anything!"

"Oh... OK. So the boards don't post." I get silence. "My records show that you've bought three of everything. I have to assume that you tried all three of everything and still no post?"

"Yes! I've got all three of these built up and ready to go and none of them do anything at all. "

The boards he has are a jumperless socket seven board that I am very familiar with. Despite being very familiar with them, I decide to whip out the manual so the customer does not think that I would ever imply that I know more than he does... After all, he is an MCSE.

"OK... I'm looking in the manual for ideas here... Hmm.... Page one, two.... Take a look at page three for me."

"Huh? What? I'm sorry. Let me go get a manual...." There's a long pause. It seems that he needs to fish the manual out of the box; "OK. Got one. Page three. What about it?"

"Well. I'm looking at this diagram of JP3 at the bottom of this page and it seems to be a clear CMOS jumper. Can you check yours for me?"

"Don't have to. I never touched that jumper so that can't be the problem."

"You DIDN'T touch that jumper? That may be the problem. That board ships with the clear CMOS jumper on clear and I don't know many boards that function properly with the clear CMOS jumper in the clear position."

"Uh... Mmm.... Yeah.... OK... Well... Thanks..." *click*

jonnyGURU: MCSE? No. A+? No. RTFM! Can I get a hallelujah?

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