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Thread: How not to be an asshole.

  1. #1
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    Default How not to be an asshole.

    Company Support Forum "Rules of Engagement"

    Scenario 1:

    Wrong:

    "You guys suck! Your products suck! I'm never buying your products again!"

    Result:

    Post deleted.

    Correct:

    "I have to say I'm very disappointed with the widget I bought from Daxi-Pam. I've been through numerous troubleshooting sessions with support and several RMA's and I am still not satisfied with your product. I cannot recommend Daxi-Pam's products to my friends and colleagues.

    Response from forum support:

    "I'm very sorry to hear this sir. If there is anything I can do to influence a change in your impression of Daxi-Pam, please do not hesitate to contact me personally."

    Scenario 2:

    Wrong:

    "Your widgets smell like poo-poo! I bet all of your widget smell like poo poo! I bet you smell like poo-poo!"

    Result:

    Post deleted.

    Correct:

    "I received a Daxi-Pam widget and could not help but notice that it smells of feces. I must say that this is rather disturbing. Is this consistant with all Daxi-Map widgets?"

    Response from forum support:

    "Dear sir, I assure you that Daxi-Map's widgets are not supposed to smell like anything but a widget. Please contact support so they can RMA your widget for one with the fresh widget smell you expect from Daxi-Pam.

    Scenario 3:

    Wrong:

    "I sent three requests to Daxi-Pam asking for a replacement twathair for my widget! Mine had ceased to function correctly when I had used my widget to stop a leaking dyke from flooding my town. They have refused to respond to my requests which is why I must now report Daxi-Pam to the BBB, the FTC and the KKK! Shame on you Daxi-Pam!!!"

    Reply from forum support:

    "Sir, did you receive the auto-responder from the Daxi-Pam support mail server?"

    Reply from customer:

    "No. I didn't even receive the auto-responder!"

    Reply from forum support:

    "What email were you sending the emails to? All email that goes to the support server is automatically responded to by an automatically generated auto-response (redundant?)"

    Reply from customer:

    "Why, I sent it to support@daxipam.com, of course!"

    Reply from forum support:

    "Ah! That's the problem. Our domain is daxi-pam.net. I suggest resending to the correct email. Let me know if you do or do not get an auto responder and let me know if they do not resolve your problem to your satisfaction. If you could be so kind as to inform the BBB, FTC and KKK of the misunderstanding, I would greatly appreciate it."

    Two weeks later... Reply from another user:

    "I have the same problem!!!!"

    Reply from forum support:

    "Sir, could you please elaborate by posting your own thread. I do believe the OP's problem has been resolved, although I have not heard back from the customer himself on the matter."

    Three weeks later... Reply from another user:

    "OMG! These widgets must be the worst if the twathair can't withstand a mere dyke plugging!!!! These must be the worst widgets EVER! No wonder they're always free after rebate at BestRadioCityDirectShackBuy!!!"

    Reply from forum support:

    "Widgets are not made for plugging leaking dykes. Although one can be used for this purpose and typically the twathair does withstand this use, it is not always the case. It needs to be noted that other brands of widgets will not replace your twathair if they know your widget was used to plug a dyke. At Daxi-Map, we will unconditionally replace your widget's twathair regardless of why it is malfunctioning.

    I believe the OP's issue was resolved. Unfortunately, he has not come back to share the results of his experience.

    I'm now going to close this thread so it is no longer bumped by these off topic responses."

    Two more weeks go by. Letter arrives from the BBB....

    "If you do not resolve this complaint from Mr. Edward Guy Bitchalot, we will have to give Daxi-Pam an 'unsatisfactory' rating......"

    Correct:

    "I've been sending emails to support@daxipam.com because my Daxi-Pam's widget's twathair malfunctioned after using my widget to plug a dyke. In fact, I have sent three requests for support over the past two weeks. Does anyone have an explaination as to why I have not received any response from Daxi-Pam?"

    Response from forum support:

    Dear sir, the correct email for support is support@daxi-pam.net. Try that email and let me know what happens.

    Respose from customer 24 hours later:

    "I'm so sorry. After sending a support request to the correct email, I received an auto-responder within 5 minutes and a response from a support representative before the end of the day. Thank you!"

    Scenario 4:

    Wrong:

    "I submitted a rebate to Rebate-World for $50 off my widget when purchased with a toaster from BestRadioCityDirectShackBuy. It's been one week and I have not received my check! YOU SUCK!!! I'm reporting you to the BBB, the MDA and the SS!!!!!! BASTARDS!"

    Result:

    Post deleted.

    Wrong:

    "I submitted a rebate to Rebate-World for $50 off my widget when purchased with a toaster from BestRadioCityDirectShackBuy. I just received a post card that said my rebate was denied! YOU SUCK!!!! I'm reporting you to the BBB, the MDA and the SS!!! BASTARDS!"

    Result:

    Post deleted.

    Correct:

    "I submitted a rebate to Rebate-World for $50 off my widget when purchased with a toaster from BestRadioCityDirectShackBuy. I just received a post card that said my rebate was denied. Can anyone here help me with this? $50 is a lot of money to a street performer like myself. Thanks in advance!"

    Response in forums:

    "Sir, please provide your rebate tracking information, contact info and any copies of the rebate submission you may have to my email address wang.fingerlicking@daxi-pam.net. Thank you.

    After appropriate information is sent to Wang, this is the response via email:

    "Sir, I had Rebate-World pull your submission and it looks as if, from looking at the postmark, that your rebate was mailed one week late. It also seems that you bought the product three days after the offer expired. It also seems that you bought your widget from Montgomery Sears and not BestRadioCityDirectShackBuy. Furthermore, it seems that you sent a photo copy of the UPC instead of the original."

    Response from customer:

    "So can you help me get my $50???"
    Last edited by Jon Gerow; 03-30-2007 at 05:54 PM.

  2. #2
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    Default

    One of those days?

  3. #3
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    Default

    Yep. TGIF, though.

    Beer 30, yet?

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    Default

    It's 5 o'clock somewhere.

  5. #5
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    Default

    I'm not a beer drinker... Scotch is more my thing

    Almost 4:45 here.

  6. #6
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    Default

    Again, I reiterate: It's 5 o'clock somewhere... doesn't need to be where you are.

    BTW Dewars FTW!

  7. #7
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    The one thing I've learned from tech support

    Don't be a dick, they will screw up your life even worse than you thought was possible. Be nice and they'll (usually) go out of their way to help you. Proper manners are required at all times, and be sure to actually listen to them.

  8. #8
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    Default

    Yes even if the information is redundant, or you already did it. Make it easier on yourself and just do as they ask.

  9. #9
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jonnyGURU View Post
    Yep. TGIF, though.

    Beer 30, yet?
    It's always 5'oclock somewhere ergo it is always almost beer 30. Ergo....not actually sure but cheers!

  10. #10
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    What's yer fave scotch, lupus? are you a malt person? lagavulin neat is a bit of a test for some, not you I am sure 2 of the very best are campbelltown and ...doh can't remember

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